Offroading

This update is to accept the failure and move on.

It's been three days so far I have not meditated, and I'm not pleased by that.  I think it would be bad to just move on and start meditating again without trying to analyze why I gapped when I did.

It feels as though there's a fragment of identity in me that still feels it is a waste of time to do so, even though all conscious logic and outcome tells me I get value from the act of meditation.  When that fragment of identity combines with the other fragment of identity that dilly-dally's they often become an indomitable force of:

"I think it's a waste of time right now, but I can do it later when it makes more sense."

So, it's down to cultivating identity fragments to combat the two identity fragments I'll call Nihilist and Lazy.  

I suppose if I were to cultivate identities to combat those it would be Creator and Stoic.  Stoic and Creator work well together.  Creator wants to create, but can often be given to bouts of failing to start because of SelfCritic.  Locked in an arm wrestle where sometimes Creator's hand meets paper with pen in grip, but often is held back by SelfCritic.

Stoic can combat much by just trying to evoke best self in any moment.  I often read about Stoic, and try to cultivate the identity, but it's a big load for just Stoic to bear.  Stoic needs help.  I need to think more about this, but for now this is just an acknowledgement that failure is okay.  It's better though, if something can be learned from the failure.  It's better even than that if something can be learned from the failure and implemented in identity or defences to protect against the same future failure.

I guess that's often at the core of what my resolutions are about.  Trying to bring about or strengthen positive identities within the many that exist in my brain.  To tell more of the good stories, and stop telling the bad.

Peace,

Shane